Watching Trees Grow 
(The Paradox of Transition and a Tribute to Dana)

A couple decades ago, when The Grauer School's land was a blanket of coastal sage and ready to shape into a campus, there was a little, ten-foot Torrey Pine tree in the back corner. Unfortunately, it was in the way of our development, but I refused to let it go. (The Torrey Pine is a critically endangered species growing only in our part of the world.) My campus co-developer David Meyer found a company called Big Tree and they came with their gigantic mechanical shovels, lifted that tree up, and replanted it in the front corner of our new school. It is the first thing you see when turning onto our street. There it has held our fort for many years and I can’t imagine our campus without it.

I know the thought of change throws some of us for a loop and that, in life, transitions feel risky and in need of close watching. Many of us rely upon consistency. And yet, we keep hearing how change is a constant, the great paradox of life itself. Will you have a look at that with me?

This week, I am happy to announce that my brilliant and devoted colleague, Dana Abplanalp-Diggs, will officially this summer take over the Head of School role I have fulfilled with enormous joy and relentless play. I understand that this is a transformation and yet it reminds me of the paradox: change is constant. Dana, with her incomparable equanimity and compassion, has gradually been taking on head of school roles for years now and, with this new title, will add even more. This feels more in line with constancy than risk and spontaneity. 

Likewise, I have not stopped doing much what I do best. On sabbatical and, after that, as Head of School Emeritus, you all can expect me to keep doing what I find joyful, e.g., educational research and writing (especially about amazing small school advantages), courageous outdoor education and naturalism, creative educational visions and liaisons, and getting nailed by the occasional student water balloon out on the green. 

And of course, sharing a few waves.

Most important of all, our students are as engaged in their teen years of change as ever, thanks in large part to the teacher-mentors at Grauer, Dana foremost among them. Your child may be going off to college or a year abroad, but the main growth that this transition requires has already taken place. That’s why they are ready. And I can tell you exactly when they ought to go: when they are ready.

When we are engaged, taking charge of our own feelings, and have connection and support in our lives, there is not all that much transition because those qualities are our constant. When we are in our element, we are living our actual life, regardless of our job title or student status or GPA. We’re attuned, we’re captains of our own souls. We’ve found a calling, our calling, and there’s not much more beautiful in a human life than that calling. We go through storms, too, and our hearts ache, but the calling is still there if we’re good. Trevor Olson, our High School Dean of Students,  says, “We are all under construction in some form or another.” We’re transforming.

History shows us that it is important to create milestone markers for transformative success, so we can celebrate, not feel anxious, and move ahead confidently. We’ve built these milestones into the school and refined them with love over years. At Grauer, we have expeditions which serve much like rites of passage, and we have matriculation ceremonies, graduations, an annual Tolerance Day, a faculty “Golden Shovel” that we hand off, and quite a few ways for students and their teachers to mark their transitions. We mark these milestones fearlessly and in joy, and sometimes life feels so precious it’s almost unbearable if you put enough love into it. But the milestones are rarely the real transitions. It’s the little things that happen around them. This is not a modern political or scientific revolution, it’s kids growing up and teachers developing, relationships evolving, or whatever your changes are. 

I think we all ought to celebrate the dedication, talent and love Dana has put into evolving into our school’s second head and with our team intact, and I hope to be the first to make the toast. I love a great toast. I feel heartened and happy that someone so talented is willing to continue our school’s work and vision. And yet, I think the real reason we can celebrate is that she has already been doing so much of this work with so much success and so much support for so long. I hope that’s the same reason our seniors naturally move on to their next wave.

At Grauer, our jobs are always evolving when they are right. Every good job title has tended to come as an afterthought, not a goal. Our work is in relationships, not titles.

I am often asked to describe what people call “the Grauer Way,” and I think this describes it about as well as can be: we acknowledge our transformation after it is already well underway. Dana has been named Head of School well after she has assumed much of that role, our seniors will present their capstone graduation defenses in May that have been underway for four years, I will be a grandfather in June, and I hope to mark all these transitions in ceremony. We cherish ceremony, but we don’t stand on it.

The corner Torrey Pine tree is over 60 feet high now, I can’t even wrap my arms all the way around it, and I’ve never seen it grow. When it is best and strong, transformation is a lot like watching trees grow.

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