Fun House
By Dr. Tricia Valeski and Dr. Stuart Grauer

It seems reasonable that at events like dances and school parties, class gatherings, and anywhere our kids gather in mixed groups with easy entry and exit, we provide chaperones. We can’t really put our students in a gym or assembly hall with other unscreened kids and then just leave for the whole evening! That’s basic.

But I know of a whole other land where kids from anywhere gather freely in a giant room, unsupervised and unsupported. They are not screened coming or going, they can bring anything they want in there, and all rules are off. There is virtually no supervision for kids of almost any age. What’s more, kids are dropped into this room often against their own will—any kid in the room with a school roster can just drop anyone on that roster right in there. What a fun house!

Absent supervision or rules, all sorts of things come up in the fun house: abusive language, insults, illicit imagery, threats, shaming, racism, sexism. And, it is going on all day and all night. If your name is on a school roster, they have you now: you will receive everything anyone says in the fun house, even if you don’t want it. What’s more, we do not want to breach of the rights of those children in the fun house.

In the fun house, children normally remain free of parents and teachers until they leave and re-enter the light of day. The space is so alluring for some kids that many health and education specialists find it to be an addiction. 

This room is, of course, not a physical room, but a virtual room. It consists of the text message and chat groups where kids hang out, now at epidemic levels. And it might include the online gaming ecosystems and chat rooms where kids are lured, often by well-intentioned friends, but also often by those with less clear intention. And the social media environment, where everyone evaluates what you look like, wear and even eat. Kids spend something like 4 to 9 hours a day in these shadowy cybernetic spaces.

In this un-schoolable place, you might think there was a sense of freedom. So we are here to say that we do not know of a single educator who is not at or near shock at how much anxiety we are seeing and how many studies tie this anxiety to the fun house.

How the fun house got an exemption from normal school officials and their watchful eyes is easy to answer: these are private spaces. Sort of. We think. Are they? The fun house is a no-man’s land, where school rosters and whole classes of kids are coming and going, sometimes for school activities and oftentimes not—nobody really knows what they are. It’s the wild west.

Should great educators stand on the balcony and watch this wildness? What is a school activity, anyway? We think we used to know.

According to a recent report from Common Sense Media (2019), eight to 12-year-olds in the United States use just under five hours’ worth of entertainment screen media per day on average, and teens use approximately seven and a half hours’ worth. This does not include time spent using screens for school or homework. [1] Several studies over the past 10 years have suggested a link between the growth of social media and the frightening rise in teen depression, feelings of isolation, lack of self-esteem, fewer healthy activities, decreased concentration and sleep deprivation. [2]

“Social media addiction” and “child internet addiction” are behavioral disorders that are characterized by an uncontrollable urge to log on to or use social media, and devoting so much time and effort to social media that it impairs other important life areas. But you do not need to be addicted to be in the fun house—normal kids find themselves there because being there is the new green field, the new normal, the new least restrictive environment, the new fun house. 

We once asked a parent to please get their child, failing at school, out of there, and they responded: "But it's all he has." This is a new phenomenon. The situation is worse than most parents realize. From our desks, mental health experts across the country are in alarm mode.

We also get that there are infinitely alluring benefits:  apparent increased social connectivity, technological virtuosity, educational support. It seems unrealistic to think these phones are going anywhere no matter how much social aberration, addiction and depression they are associated with, no matter how out of control the fun house gets.

Here are a few things great parents do to help minimize the risks associated with teen technology use:

• Know the truth and the risks associated with social media and technology use among children.
• Set a good example. Take a look at the screen time your child sees from you.
• Connect with your kids - give them your full attention, be “present.”
• Limit screen time and set some technology-free zones at home for your entire family.
• Start at a place of trust.  

 

At The Grauer School, mutual trust is critical and one of our non-negotiables. We believe that students are trustworthy and good. Same with all of our parents, and we rely upon them to monitor what we often cannot. Above all else, it is our job, mission and responsibility to keep our students safe and to help them develop into healthy and happy humans, and we will do whatever we can to achieve that goal. As the world continues to surprise us with its growing complexity, we must work together to support our children in becoming their best selves. We are going to need them.

[1] The Common Sense Census: Media Use by Tweens and Teens, 2019, Common Sense Media
[2] How Using Social Media Affects Teenagers, Rachel Ehmke, Child Mind Institute

Click on the "Comments" drop-down box below to leave a comment about this column!